Judas!

So I'm wandering around the internet and I head over to hobo.com and find out that there's a national hobo convention every year in Britt, Iowa. I thought that was neat, until I went to the FAQ and happened upon this:

How can we get to the Hobo Convention?
Britt, Iowa is located 31 miles west of Mason City, Iowa. Route 18 travels through Britt. Greyhound Bus services Mason City. Clear Lake Municipal Airport offers flight service.

Greyhound Bus? Clear Lake Municipal Airport? Um, hello? I seriously doubt the Hobo Hall of Fame is going to have a wing in the museum for air and bus travel. Sellouts.

Here' s a little bit of old soul at least:

Can we still ride a freight train to the Convention?
Freight train riding is illegal! (wink, wink - my comments) Train service to Britt, Iowa is sporadic at best. There are 2-3 trains daily in either direction. While we don’t condone freight train riding, we recognize that there will be individuals who will choose to travel that way. Please be careful.

This makes me feel a bit better about the hobo legacy. While they are adamant in their telling you that freight train riding is illegal, they do tell you how many times trains come through Britt each day. This reminds me of all the keggers in college that had notebook paper signs around the kegs saying, "We are not responsible for anybody under 21 who is drinking" or "Nobody under 21 permitted alcohol", and then you're hoisting that 19-year old up while he does a keg stand.

Anyway, I thought you might find this all interesting.

Crumpets Anyone?

When I was a kid, I used to make what I called "White Trash Coffeecake". All you have to do is take a slice of white bread and spread a spoonful of sugar over the bread, then fold the bread and smash it down. It was very good. After about 6 or 7 of these, you may feel the urge to run around the house yelling and such.

The reason I bring it up is because I think white trash coffeecake could be an outstanding inclusion to any hobo's diet. It's cheap, it's easy, and it's supremely tasty. It could be a dynamite breakfast item for anybody short of cash or roof. And if you don't like the name "White Trash Coffeecake", call it something else. Maybe "folded sugar sandwich" or "hobo danish".

So if you're a hobo or you're currently looking for a new breakfast food, try a folded sugar sandwich and see how your day goes. If you don't like it, at least now you have a loaf of white bread and a bag of sugar, and as everybody knows, sugar is as good as currency on the rails and bread can always be used to soak up last night's turpenbrau.

In Any Language

"Hobo" in Spanish is "Vagabundo". Obviously, this is where the English "vagabond" comes from. I think the on-line English to Spanish dictionary could have come up with a better translation. I was actually expecting "hobo" to come back as "hobo". It sounds like a Spanish word and "el hobo" fits completely. And I think "Los Hobos" would be a great band name. I won't stoop to the vagabundo translation because "vagabond" has a negative connotation to it, whereas "hobo" is filled with romance and wonder.

Question.

What would happen if you formed ground bologna into a patty and fried it in a skillet like a burger?

Time Moves Slowly When It's Not On The Rails

I'm just sitting here thinking about my hoboburger. I had a regular cheeseburger--or "peopleburger", if you will--for lunch today and it wasn't just lacking in bologna, it was lacking in character.

(Actually, let's strike that "peopleburger" comment, because it makes it sound like hobos aren't people, and they definitely are people--dna has proven that. So my apologies to the hobo nation.)

So I'm just trying to bide my time until next fall when I get my first crack at a real hoboburger--or at least what some consider a "hoboburger". I've googled the term numerous times and never have I seen mention of the involvement of thick-cut bologna. Usually, it's just some type of ground beef, done in a loose way. Kind of like Roseanne and Dan Connor's loose meat sandwich shop, but it's cooked in foil. I think it sounds great, but it also sounds like sloppy joes without the sauce, which is something I never understood about the loose meat sandwiches. Manwich is like a dollar a can, you can afford the beef, but not the Manwich? Sad.

Anyway, what do you think about thick-cut bologna cut long-ways and put into a brat bun with some kraut? I think it sounds promising.

I think that's it for now. Sorry for staying away as much as I have recently. I plan to ramp this puppy up real soon. Don't expect pictures or anything, as I don't know how to do that. Low-tech is probably more fitting for a blog about hobo goods anyway, no?

Lastly, thanks for all the kind words. I couldn't do this without the support of so many kind people.

Hobo Potluck

I have to go back to work tomorrow after two weeks off. I'm not happy right now. What could make me happier about going to work would be if we were having a potluck, but I don't think we are.

I think cheesy potatoes makes everybody happier.

The thought of an office potluck got me wondering if hobos have potlucks. And if they do, what kind of containers do they bring their food in?

Of course, everybody probably just brings fried dough like they're the freaking Joads or something. Although, I must admit, John Steinbeck sure knows how to make fried biscuits sound supremely tasty. (Just a point of clarity, I'm not calling the Joads hobos, but they sure could fry up a mean biscuit.)

Getting back to the container conundrum, I'm guessing if everybody is just bringing biscuits, then they can just put them in their bindle. And, if they wanted to get all Martha Stewart, they could just line their bindle with foil and transport anything--even cheesy potatoes. I'm guessing hobos don't go anywhere without smokes, knives, foil and duct tape. And really, if you only have the knife, there are ways to get the other three hobo staples. (FYI: Booze is not a hobo staple as not all hobos drink.)

I just had an awesome idea: Instead of hamburger buns for the hoboburger, how about fried biscuit halves? I'm throwing out ideas like I know what would be better and really I have no idea. However, there are many documented cases where studies have shown that biscuit halves make better sandwich components than bread. I'm sorry that I don't have any of those cases noted, but you can probably google "Biscuit halves studies American Dough Institute" and you should find something.

Well, surprise surprise, I've gotten off-track. Back to potlucks--do you think hobos use Tupperware? I think beyond just using it for containers, Tupperware would prove remarkably useful to your average hobo. If you have the right-sized bowl, you could use it for a pillow or a seat or even a bowl.

And again I'm making suggestions to people who are actually living out there on the rails. Like I'm going to say something and some hobo reading this is going to shout, "Eureka, I never thought of lining my bindle with foil!" Mother is the invention of necessity, as they say, so I'm sure they're way ahead of me on household (or trainhold) industriality.

Well, that's about it for tonight. I'm going to bed so that I can wake up super early and get up and go to work for the first time in like 17 days!

The sadness builds.

I'm Back From Vacation and Getting Back on Schedule

We're back from Disneyworld and I already miss the giant-headed muppets. But I'll get over it. While driving home yesterday I noticed a place in South Carolina (I think) called "Hobo Joe's Fireworks". I wondered if this business was really run by a hobo or if it was just some type of brand-name franchise.

Assuming hobos are capable of owning and operating businesses, I'd guess that fireworks would probably be one of the more popular choices. I have to assume that since most hobos owe their travelhood to the thousands of Chinamen that laid the rails that they ride, that the natural progression would be to continue to do business with the Chinese in multiple forms, of which fireworks would be a prominent choice.

But as I think about the hobo life, I don't think business ownership would fit in--at least not a stationary business (or "stationery" for that matter, ha ha ha). Hobos are always on the move, they don't do "9-5". I can't imagine that a hobo would be a very competent boss either, since he would probably only show up to work two or three times a month at most. And you know that other hobos would always be showing up because they'd know that this was a hobo-friendly business. However, I also know that there are certain factions of hobos that do NOT get along. I would imagine that those warring factions would not be welcome in their enemies' places of business. If I were a hobo businessman, you can bet that I would have a sign above the register that says, "We reserve the right to refuse service to any hobo."

You may think that such a policy is harsh, but you have to remember that hobos stab people for socks, matching or not. If you've ever been stabbed for a sock, you can bet you'd be picky about who you sell fireworks to too.

Listen to me ramble on. Honestly, I'm just riffing about this stuff, because I've done very little research and my bases for saying hobos would refuse service to sock-stabbers is pure speculation and a gross generalization.

Anyway, that's just something that's been floating in my mind since I saw the sign on the side of the road for Hobo Joe's.

If anybody has ever shopped there, was there a large hobo contingent on site? Thanks.