What Makes Bologna "Hoboworthy"?

I'm a man of means by no means, but there are days when I've got some cash in my pocket and I decide to spend said cash by swinging by the local Subway and getting a sub. Never once have I ever gotten their cold cut combo, which is some mishmash of bologna and other stuff. Perhaps if it was bologna, dutch loaf and pimento loaf, then we'd talk. Actually, that may be exactly what it is, but I just can't justify paying $5 for something that I could conceivably make at home.

Now I know what you're saying, you're saying, "But Tony, you can make a turkey sub at home." Yes, I can, but it's not the same. I've tried. I can't replicate it.

But that's not the only reason I won't pay $5 for a cold cut sub. I won't pay that kind of money because I don't have the respect for bologna that I do for other sliced meats, specifically turkey, bacon, salami and even pepperoni. Ham...it's not a stand-alone meat, so for that alone, I rank bologna ahead of it. However, ham is pert near the perfect complementary sliced meat. You can add it to anything, and that's what gives ham its value.

So I guess what it all comes down to is that bologna is "hoboworthy" because we look down on it. I think--as much as it pains me to say this--I think we're all a little bit hoboist. Myself included. I don't think it was my upbringing. It couldn't have been. I grew up loving bologna. I think my anti-hobo-ite leanings came when I became "educated". Isn't that always the way? You go to college to get an education, and you walk out with your diploma and a disdain for hobos.

Thank you Ohio State. You have taught me well. I wonder what other segments of America I have been taught to despise. I think I don't like people who drive other people around for a living, so that's probably thanks to Ohio State as well. Your tax dollars at work. Unbelievable.