Monday, March 10, 2008

Series: Benefits Of Being A Hobo


You don't have to feed fatty.
Not to be too crass, but let's be realistic, being a hobo means never having to buy your child three Double Quarter Pounder Extra Value Meals. And, of course, you'll never have to carry him upstairs to bed when he falls asleep in his bowl of gravy. Being a hobo inherently brings plenty of problems along with it, but at least back problems aren't one of them. (That is, back problems that come from carrying a large child upstairs, because, for a hobo, "there is no upstairs, there." People say that you'll never see a fat hobo, but that's not true. Some fat people become hobos, but hobos rarely ever become fat. Nobody overindulges on dumplings or biscuit-halves. Well, nobody except Biscuit Thompson, who was said to be the "biscuit-eatingest s.o.b. to ever set foot between the rails". Although, a cursory Google search of "Biscuit Thompson" only turns up a "Thompson Biscuit Company"...wait a second...you don't think...?

5 comments:

Derek said...

I think the amount of fatness a hobo could ever hope to obtain would be directly proportional to how many chickens he could steal... Of course, this whole equation is based on people with chickens coups living near the rails, a statistic in our society that is sadly decreasing

Anonymous said...

I've always believed society has gone downhill due to the onset of single-parent households, but you may be on to something with the dwindling numbers of the rail-centric chicken population.

Derek said...

We should have a study commissioned to find out how many widow farmers still keep their chicken coops near the rails... I think the government may need to get involved here

Anonymous said...

Get the government involved? Great idea! Of course, I'm being sarcastic. Why would you want the government involved anymore than they already are. The govermnent subsidizes families who have gotten rid of their rail-centric chicken coops. It's a shame.

Derek said...

Down with Government!