You are on the cutting edge of bologna science.While we sit here in our living rooms and offices, the American hobo is out there developing new and stunning ways to prepare bologna. While we stew in our obliviousness, hobo chefs are inventing the unimaginable--and making it delicious! I'm a child of the 80s, so the only thing cutting edge in the 80s was tv shows about advanced vehicles. I'm not downplaying its importance in American history, but it's nothing like being a child during the beginning of space exploration. And to me, being at the forefront of bologna advancement has to be similar to being at the forefront of the space program. Sadly, through research, I have found that over 39 hobos have lost their lives trying to get the most out of bologna. (It should be noted that 38 of those deaths were due to somebody attempting to steal their bologna, and subsequently stabbing them to death.) But the bologna engineers push on because it is all they know. Well, they also know stabbing, but that's beside the point--sort of. But getting back to the beneficial aspects of being a hobo, imagine getting to see blockbuster movies months before they're released...that's what life is like for a hobo. You get to experience bologna blockbusters long before they hit the gas stations or railways. Lucky!
6 comments:
You know what would be cool?
A show based on a hobo interacting with some sort of advanced train. Like CITT or something? Which would stand for Cheshire Industries Two Thousand.
That would be of teh awesome.
The hobo would find out that there was going to be a bank robbery, and IF there was a train track that went right by the bank, CITT would race to the bank and the hobo would jump out and hit the burglars with his bindle, and then stab the holy living **** out of them. Then he'd jump back on CITT and race away.
Or if the burglars tried to get away by running down the train tracks CITT would run them down and grind them under his massive metal wheels.
Then at the end of the show CITT would tell some joke about stabbing or bologna or something and he and the hobo would share a hearty whithering laugh together.
I know awesome, and this would be awesome. People may wonder each week why these things keep happening near railroad tracks, but if people can look past Angela Lansbury always showing up at murders without throwing the stink eye her way, I think people would get over it.
Announcer: We now return to "Knight Boat: The Crime-Solving Boat."
Michael: Faster, Knight Boat! We gotta catch those starfish poachers.
Knight Boat: You don't have to yell, Michael, I'm all around you.
Michael: Oh, no! They're headed for land.
[The poachers ride onto the beach, jump on motorcycles, and speed away].
Michael: We'll never catch them now.
Knight Boat: Incorrect--look! A canal.
Homer: Go, Knight Boat, go!
Bart: Oh, every week there's a canal.
Lisa: Or an inlet.
Bart: Or a fjord.
Exactly.
The Simpsons did it!
lol
My bad.
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